friday rant...

when do you stop, draw the line and say you are done? done with the 'life competition' if you will, done with pleasing everyone else but yourself for whatever reason, all my life i have felt like i have to please everyone, live up to every ones expectations for myself, instead of my own. i have always tried so hard to fit in, yeah with friends or acquaintances, but with family. whether it be getting the better of grades, being better with sports, having accomplished this or that. i'm so tired of it. i'm tired of doing things 'my way' and having someone feel disappointed in me, or theres always 'you could have done better' or someone trying to 'one-up' me in another way.
i'm honestly convinced that some people in my life just don't want to see me happy. whenever there is a big event in my life, someone has to come around and rain on my parade. there always has to be a down side to everything exciting happening around me, whether it be a a event of actual idea. there is always that one or two people that oh, they've been there, done that and whatev. or the find the bad in it.
i'm tired of trying to 'fit in' with people i should not have to feel that way around. worrying if i would disappoint anyone and then the worry of the 'gossip' they'd start. the talking behind my back...etc. really? i'm 26, why should i have to feel this way? truth is, i shouldn't.
so, to those who make this all come into my life, this sick to my stomach feeling worrying about all this crap i'm done. took me long enough to realize it isn't, and you aren't worth my time and worry. if you don't like what is going on with me, oh flippin well. you will no longer have my sleepless night of worrying. and please, if you don't have anything nice to say to me, don't like whats going on in my life, don't talk to me. your negativity is no longer needed.

brrr!

i'm such a baby! its what 39 out and i'm freezing. it got TONS colder in KS, granted i went no where when it was that cold. i have tons to do, errands to run, and i'm stuck on the computer. i don't wanna take mrE out and him catch a cold or something, so blogging i am!
2011 hasn't been too exciting thus far. abe is starting school tonight, i'm so very proud and excited for him. this def. opens up a new chapter in our lives and his army career. plans are-hopefully-he can re-up for one more here @ ftsam, finish his degree and put in for OCS, then i'm not too sure what the army will have in store for us, but i'm up for the ride! :)
on top of him starting school we're looking for a house to move off post. while these homes are nice and all, they just aren't for us anymore. our livingroom is overflowing with babyness, i honestly wouldn't have it any other way, we just need room to walk :), maxxi needs a yard. my poor doggie just needs room to run without having to be on a leash and we just need to be away from the army for a few hours a day, especially abe. so we're in the process of looking, being uber picky, but i don't want to end up with a house i want to move out of in a year, i want to be able to stay there until PCS orders land on us again.
i'm really looking forward to tax time!(who doesn't!!??) abe&i didn't do anything special for ourselves for our anniversary nor christmas so we're going to splurg and get laptops, but not just any laptops-MACS! i'm SO excited! i've heard nothing but great things about them, and well abe, needs something he can rely on, and with this computer choosing when it'll work, its not for him anymore. and me, well, i need something too. especially when abe leaves for training and stuff, and to organize all the FRG stuff on there. YEP i said it, FRG.....
i promised myself i wouldn't do them anymore, but heckk this army wife life can be lonely, and why not involve yourself with activites in your husbands unit, that way, you know whats going on and aren't always left in the dark. i couldn't take on the leadership position, thats just wayyy to much for me, but volunteered as a key caller. i don't think it will be as bad as some units, we're brand new! but i'm excited to help build it up!
i better end the ramblings and tend to this silly lil guy. did i ever mention the jumper-roo is the BEST invention ever!!! and yo gabba gabba, that show, whoever thought of it idk what they are on, but it gets my babys attention for 15 mins and whew..i owe ya a hug!!